|Nuvo alternative paper music dude:
811 E. Westfield Blvd.
Indianapolis, IN 46220
|Independent record stores in our area:
Luna Music (317)875-5862
Missing Link (317)466-1967
Indy CD and Vinyl (317)259-1012
|Band Advice To Club Goers
The best time to discuss anything with the band in
any meaningful way is at the middle of a song when
all members are singing at the same time, such as a
multi-harmony part. Our hearing is so advanced
that we can pick out your tiny voice from the
megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us.
Musicians are expert lip readers, too. If a musician
does not reply to your question or comment during
a tune, take this personally. Singers have the ability
to sprout a second mouth to talk with you and sing
at the same time. If the singer doesn't, it's because
he is purposely ignoring you; if this happens,
immediately cop an attitude, we love this. When an
entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his
head and yell directly into his ear, holding his head
so he cannot pull away from you. This is an
invitation to a friendly game of tug of war between
his head and your hands. Disregard any respect for
the musician's hearing.
Musicians are expert mind readers. Only refer to
your requests with the phrase "play my song!" We
have a chip implanted in our heads with an unlimited
database with the favorite tunes of every patron
who ever walked into the bar, so feel free to be
vague; we love the challenge. If we do not
remember exactly what tune you want, it's an
intentional ploy to offend you. Remember,
entertainers live to be offensive; we stay up all night
thinking up ways to do this. We also never get
enough abuse, so any abuse that you add will keep
us in line.
If a band tells you they do not know a song you
want to hear, they either forgot that they knew the
tune or they are lying to you. Try singing a few
words for the band. If one member halfway knows
part of a chorus, the rest of the band will instantly
learn the entire song by osmosis. Knowing this, if
the band still claims to not know your song, just
keep requesting the same song ad nauseum. Never
try to request another tune the band actually knows.
Scream your request from across the room several
times per set followed by the phrases, AW COME
ON! and, YOU SUCK! Exaggerated hand
gestures expressing disapproval from the dance
floor are a big help such as the thumbs down or
your middle finger. Put-downs are the best way to
jog a band's memory. This instantly promotes you
to the status of Personal Friend Of The Band.
If your choice of music is a complete departure
from what the crowd loves and cannot get enough
of, i.e. if they play original Blues, ignore this. Simply
put a lot of money into the tip jar to bolster your
argument. This will circumvent any lack of
knowledge they have about your requested tune.
The more money with which you tip the band, the
more power you'll have to dictate what happens on
stage. Feel free to use your money to bully the
band. Entertainers are notorious fakers, and never
prepare for shows. They simply walk on stage with
no prior thought to what they will do once they
arrive. An entertainer's job is so easy, even a
monkey could do it, so don't let them off the hook.
The band and club's income does not depend upon
numbers of people patronizing the bar; screw them.
Your request is all that matters.
If a metal band had played at the club for the last
few weeks, the next band that follows will
automatically know every metal tune the previous
band played, even if the current band is a blues or
country band. It's the law. Feel free to yell AC/DC
or SLAYER!! to a band that plays strictly originals
or jazz for example. Conversely, Deadheads may
yell for Grateful Dead tunes at a dance or metal
If you inform the band that you are a musician in a
garage band, or singer in a Karaoke bar, be sure to
let them know that you can run rings around them
and they need you in their band. In fact, the sole
reason the band has not exploded onto the charts is
because they do not have you as their big break.
And besides, that old guy singing the blues is just
copying SRV and Clapton, in spite of the fact that
he's 63 years old. Tell the musicians unequivocally
that your mere presence as a member of their band
will save them from the depths of mediocrity, and
assure them of success beyond their wildest
dreams. This works every time.
If the band continues to refuse your repeated
demands to perform with them, stand on the dance
floor and perform with every tune they do. If they
won't let you perform with them, be disruptive. Do
everything you can to be louder than the band.
Nothing asserts your superiority like an out of tune
harmonica or vocalist, or a tambourine played out
For extra credit, use these instruments in tunes that
do not have them in the original recording;
musicians love to play cover tunes with instruments
that do not belong there. They will overlook how
badly you play and will wonder how they have
gotten along all these years without you.
BONUS TIP: As a last resort, wait until the band
takes a break, and then get on stage and start
playing their instruments; even if you are 86'ed, you
have made your point. The band will call you
immediately the following day to offer you a
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BAND WEBSITE GENRE HOME BASE NOTES
|All Indiana Bands in Alphabetical Order
All links verified: August 30, 2006.
|CURRENT VERSION OF THIS WEB PAGE
CAN BE FOUND HERE